Sexual Terms and meanings used in The Lifestyle
The Lifestyle can be a minefield of acronyms, abbreviations and its own language in profiles, messages, forums and groups (eg Airtight, soft swing, mfm, cuckold,hotwife etc.) We at VXN Lifestyle have compiled a list of the more common phrases used by our community that we hope help those new to The Lifestyle and give more knowledge even for the experienced swing
Some Sexual Terms and descriptions used in The Lifestyle
Airtight – Refers to having vaginal, anal and oral sex with one lady by three men.
Bareback – Having sexual intercourse without a condom. A fairly unusual practice within the lifestyle.
BDSM – Bondage, Discipline and Sado-Masochism – A general term which refers a wide variety of “kinky” practices, generally including restraints, dominance and submission, and pain play. However, not all BDSM involves pain or domination.
While there may be some crossover between BDSM and the lifestyle (spanking of bottom etc.) the two are really quite different. Many in the BDSM community would never consider “swinging”, just as many in the lifestyle are not deeply involved in BDSM.
Bi-Curious – A person who may be interested in exploring sex with people of the same gender. Many women in the lifestyle identify themselves as bi-curious but is entirely at their pace and cab switch this off and on.
Bi-Sexual – A person who enjoys sex with members of the same sex.
Bondage – A fetish in which restraints such as ropes, chains, cloth, belts or leather straps are used to bind, tie or hold a participating sexual partner.
Bull – A male (who is often dominant) who has sex with other men’s wives, generally with the consent of the husband, who may or may not be present for the encounter. Bulls are often integral parts of hotwife and cuckold play, though they may be invited by a couple to participate in a simple MFM threesome.
Clean – While the word can apply to hygienic practices, the swinger term generally refers to a person who is free of sexually transmitted diseases.
Compersion – The feeling of happiness, joy, pleasure, or arousal created by seeing the happiness or arousal of one’s partner. This is more than voyeurism. A voyeur simply likes what he sees. A person experiencing compersion has a deeper sense of pleasure, and even arousal, knowing that his/her partner is receiving pleasure and is enjoying it. In some senses, it is the opposite of jealousy.
Consent – A clear, specific affirmation and agreement to a sexual advance or activity. Most often, this requires a spoken request to touch, touch further, or generally initiate any sexual or intimate activity, followed by a verbal “yes.” Consent is NEVER “implied” in the lifestyle.
Sexual Terms and meanings used in The Lifestyle
Cuckold – This lifestyle term technically refers to a man whose wife has sex with other men. However, these days it most often refers to a man who is submissive to his wife’s desires. In most scenarios, he is present and is often degraded or humiliated by his wife (and, often, the bull) in the process. He may even be bound, or at least limited in some way (no masturbation, for instance) during the session.
D&D free (Or DD Free) – Usually found in swingers profiles, this is an abbreviation for “Drug and Disease Free”, meaning that the individual is clean and not a drug user.”
Dominant – demonstrating a desire for control, assertive, generally “in charge” within a relationship, in contrast to a more submissive partner. This power dynamic may be fluid and of little importance in some couples, or it may create a more overarching context for an entire relationship. While dominance and submission are important components within the BDSM world, they often play some part in most couples’ relationship and should not be ignored within the lifestyle.
DP or Double Penetration – The act of being penetrated by two things at once. Generally refers to two men penetrating one woman, though in some cases dildos may be substituted for penises. Most typically, DP refers simultaneous vaginal and anal intercourse. However, DVP (Double Vaginal Penetration) and DAP (Double Anal Penetration) are also possibilities if that takes your fancy.
Entertain – (see also Host) – To provide one’s home or a venue as a location for meeting or sexual activities.
Exhibitionist – The act of exposing oneself to others, particularly the parts that are generally not exposed! In the lifestyle, exhibitionism extends to the enjoyment of having others watch your sexual activity.
FMF – A sexual threesome that includes two females and a male. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the women will not play with one another (as opposed to an FFM), but that use is not universal.
FFM – A sexual threesome that includes two females and a male. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the women will play with one another as well as with the man (as opposed to an FMF), but that use is not universal.
Friends with Benefits (FWB) – This term is not only used in the lifestyle, of course, but, generally speaking, it has a slightly different application for swingers. Even in the “vanilla” world, a friend with benefits is a “fuck buddy”, an available sex partner without any emotional or romantic implications. For swingers, a FWB is not only a sexual partner, but also a friend
Full Swap – A sexual encounter with (at least) two couples where individuals participate in penetrative vaginal intercourse with someone other than their partner.
Gang Bang – Group sex with one member of one sex, and multiple members of the other. Most often, a gang bang involves one woman with multiple men.
Hall Pass – Permission for a partner to have sex with another, without the presence of his/her partner.
Host –To provide one’s home as a location for meeting or sexual activities. Can also refer to the individual who is doing the entertaining.
Hot Wife (or Hotwife) – A married woman who has sex with other men. Sometimes her husband is present. Or in some cases, she goes out on dates, returning to tell him about her adventures. “Hotwifing”, strictly speaking, is different than cuckolding in that the wife does not degrade or humiliate her husband. In fact, in some hot wife scenarios. the husband participates, in MFM threesomes or gang bangs with his wife.
HWP – “Height, weight proportionate.” Usually found in profiles this is a simple way of describing those who are relatively within the normal weight range for their height. It is considered by some to be a more polite way of excluding overweight people.
Sexual Terms and meanings used in The Lifestyle
Kink – or Kinky – Sexual preferences that fall outside of those things that are generally considered common and ordinary. This is a relative term, since one person’s “normal” may be “kinky” or “extreme” to someone else.
Lifestyle – The Lifestyle – Sometimes abbreviated as LS, this term refers to all aspects of consensual non-monogamy. Some swingers prefer the term over “swinging,” but the two are generally interchangeable.
MFM – A sexual threesome that includes two males and a female. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the men will not play with one another (as opposed to an MMF), but that use is not universal.
Newbie – A reasonably affectionate term that refers to one who is new to the lifestyle, or any aspect of it.
Open Relationship – An agreement between a couple which allows them to play separately from one another.
Play – Sexual activity with others.
Pillow Princess – A woman who enjoys receiving sexual pleasure more than she enjoys giving it. Frankly, the term should be able to be applied to men, as well as women!
Play Room – A room or area designated for sexual activity at swingers clubs, resorts, hotel takeovers, house parties, and other lifestyle venues.
Polyamory – The practice of maintaining multiple-partner relationships. Far beyond “open-relationships’ or simply sexual relationships, those involved in a Polyamory establish deep, intimate, emotional and (usually) sexual relationships with more than one partner. All partners know about one another and will often socialize together. In some cases, they may even live in the same household. While swingers may be polyamorous (or vice versa) the terms are definitely not interchangeable.
Profile – A personal page on website vxnlifestyle.com where couples and individuals describe themselves and their sexual preferences and list the kinds of partners and activities they are looking for. Profiles are normally accompanied by pictures and a means of contact
Reclaim – Sex with your partner after a lifestyle encounter with others. Sometimes it occurs immediately after you are out of the presence of the others. Sometimes it is delayed until the next day or so. Particularly referred to in the Stag and Vixen Lifestyle
This is sometimes referred to as reclamation sex, in that you are “reclaiming” your partner as your own. However, since this term might be understood as ownership, in some sense, of your partner, most swingers prefer the term “reconnection sex.”
Safe Word – A term which most specifically applies to BDSM situations, but also has some use within the lifestyle community. It is a word, chosen before play begins and clearly communicated to all participants, which means to stop immediately.
Same Room – One of the more common rules of play established by many couples. It means that all sexual activity will happen in the presence of their partner. The two of them will be together at all times. The opposite of separate play or separate rooms.
Sensual Bondage – Sensual bondage involves not only restraining a person’s movements during sexual activity but also providing them with pleasurable sensations through bondage. This can be achieved by using different materials, such as rope, silk, fabric, chains, etc., as well as by strategically placing knots
Separate Play (or Separate Rooms) – Sexual activity that happens without the presence of the partner. This is not the same as an open relationship, in which sex can happen individually and at any time. Separate room play implies that both partners are engaged in sex with another couple, but not in the same room.
Soft Swap – A relatively vague term that is easier defined by what it is NOT, rather than what it IS. Soft Swap indicates that the couple does not have intercourse with anyone other than their partners. In other words. They are not a full swap couple.
However, the limits of what they are willing to do with others (girl/girl play, touching, oral sex, etc.) should still be clarified before play begins, since many people define the limits of soft swap differently.
Stag and Vixen – A relatively new term in the lifestyle, created to describe a hotwife couple where the man is not a submissive cuckold. While the man may be dominant, taking an active role in sharing his wife with others, often there is no dominant/submissive element at all to their play. The feeling of compersion by the Stag for his vixen is a big motivator for him.
Submissive – The opposite of dominant. A submissive partner yields control within the relationship (or at least parts of the relationship) to his/her dominant partner.
Swinger’s Insurance – A playful term that refers to any one of a number of medications or natural supplements to improve erectile function in men. Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, or their generic substitutes are the most common pills used.
Swinging – Consensual non-monogamy. Having sex with people, other than your partner, in the presence of, or with the permission of your partner. This doesn’t necessarily imply full sexual intercourse. Swingers may engage in any number of sexual activities outside of their relationship.
Taking one for the team – Having sex with someone that you don’t find particularly attractive, simply because your partner is eager to play with that person’s significant other.
Travel – The opposite of entertain. A couple who is “willing to travel” will most likely not host, and is open to driving some distance for play opportunities.
Unicorn – A mythical creature, often discussed, rarely seen and highly desired. Or more specifically, the swinger term refers to an unattached female, willing to play.
Vanilla – Non-lifestyle. Can refer to people, events or activities.
Voyeurism– Gaining pleasure from watching sexual activity. The swinger term does NOT refer to “peeping” on unsuspecting people.
420 – Not a swinger term, per se, but a reference to marijuana and it’s use, which you will often find in profiles (VXN Lifestyle/ condone all drug use but we put this in as you will come across this term at times)
Sexual Terms and meanings used in The Lifestyle
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