My Stag and I have been blown away by the positive reception we’ve had from our followers who have joined us on our journey. When I first began writing the blog back in March 2019, I had never anticipated the support and following I would acquire. The decision to share my encounters had never been one to amass followers but was merely intended to provide me with an outlet to capture and document these memories that I could not share with my nearest and dearest. My blog has certainly achieved this and has also far surpassed my original intentions as through it, I have also found new friendships that I would never have come across had it not been for this page.
Due to the release of our recounts of the events that unfolded in NYC, the chronology of the blog is somewhat out of sync; my last post before this mini-series, 14. A Night on the Town took place back in February 2019! I therefore decided that before I return to retelling my encounters of 2019, that I would take stock of all the questions that I have received since embarking on this journey and answer them along with my faithful Stag, as many of the questions I receive naturally involve him.
How Long have you been together and how long have you been involved in the lifestyle?
SV: Secret Stag and I, have been together for almost fifteen years but have known one another for slightly longer. Our journey into the lifestyle began at the end of 2017 when we dabbled in some fun with a very good friend of ours as retold in 3. Two’s company, three’s even better!
How did Secret Stag feel the first time he saw Secret Vixen with another man?
SS: Seeing my wife turn my fantasy into a reality was a truly intoxicating experience. Watching as she gave into her lust for another man was more than I could have ever imagined and it surpassed my expectations. Initially I was a little apprehensive, as this had been something that I had wanted for such a very long time, even when our relationship was in its infancy. To see it playout however, removed all anxieties and I am so grateful to my wife for taking this leap of faith with and for me.
How important is ‘Reclaiming?’
SS: The ‘Reclaiming’ for me is an essential part of the lifestyle but doesn’t necessarily need to be a sexual one. I see it as the closing of an encounter in which my wife returns to me and normality is resumed. In these moments, the fact that I get to hold and be intimate with my wife, distinguishes my role as her husband over that of her Bull. There have however been occasions where the intensity of an encounter has driven me to sexually reclaim her, an act that reasserts my position as her primary lover. There have however been times when the sexual ‘reclaiming’ has needed to be delayed to enable Secret Vixen to recover from her physical exertion.
Has Secret Stag ever joined in?
SV: Whilst many of the posts in my blog detail encounters where I have been with Bulls on my own, there have in fact been several occasions where Secret Stag has participated. In my very first encounter with another man, I found it to be highly reassuring to have my husband partake, as whilst we had not intended for him to join in, I personally chose to include him as I wanted to ensure that he was comfortable with the situation and I suppose in way, remind him that I was still very much his wife and that the encounter was purely a sexual one and nothing more.
As I have ventured further ‘down the rabbit hole,’ the dynamic of his participation has changed quite significantly. At the start of the journey, I often felt self-conscious about him watching but now, as my confidence has grown, I enjoy the performance and exhibition of the act.
What are the biggest pros and cons?
SV: This is a question that I receive on almost a daily basis and I can happily and truly say, that I can only find positives in the lifestyle apart from the obvious Covid related con! I honestly believe that this journey has brought us closer than ever and I have found greater confidence in my self and my own skin.
SS: For me, the biggest pro is the continued growing sense of intimacy that I get to experience with my wife. Seeing her grow in confidence and sexual appetite has been phenomenal and knowing that we share this secret together brings a sense of excitement to even the dullest ‘vanilla’ days. In terms of cons, how can there be any, when I am currently living a fantasy that I have since come to realise that many others have but sadly do not get to experience.
Do you have any regrets?
SS: Nope! Does that make us bad people?
Do you wish you’d started in the lifestyle earlier?
SV: This is another popular question whenever I speak to followers who are tempted by the lifestyle. For me, I believe that we entered at the right time. We had been together for 12 years when we had our first encounter and I personally feel that had this happened sooner into our relationship, it may not have gone as smoothly as it has. The reason for this is that we had established our family and our careers so could finally take some time to enjoy our private lives without feeling as though it was impacting on other areas. Whilst we were making love less often, this wasn’t due to a lack of desire for one another or a weakness in our marriage; it was mainly due to my own insecurities regarding my appearance as a result of having children and the toll it had taken on my body. I knew full well my husband loved and desired me but for a time, I had lost a sense of my self and embarking on this journey gave me an opportunity to find myself and my sexual appetite again.
SS: While I agree with my wife that we started our journey at the correct time, I do wish I had explored more positive lifestyle resources online instead of relying on pornography to build an understanding of the ‘Hotwife’ dynamic. Today, there are so many reputable blogs and podcasts from experienced individuals and couples, who can give a true and accurate portrayal of the lifestyle which would have helped me alleviate my own anxieties when I first became interested in the fantasy.
What is your criteria for choosing a Bull or couple?
SV: In our dynamic, my husband has mostly been the one to seek out a potential Bull and once he has got to know them and ascertained their suitability, he will share my contact details with them. For me personally, my main criteria is that we have similar areas of interest. Whilst the relationship is essentially one centred on a sexual connection, this often comes as the result of initially finding things in common with one another.
SS: As the ‘P.A’ to Secret Vixen, I’ve always seen it as my job to seek out new experiences for my wife to dabble in. I always keep this fact in mind when searching for potential lovers for her. Physically speaking, I will often look for men who share little resemblance to me; men who are taller for example. This does not however mean that I would disregard someone if they didn’t fit this criteria. If you want to get to Secret Vixen, I would suggest avoiding sending me a dick pic as whilst this is a useful piece of information, I am more interested in the person attached to it rather than the phallace itself. A witty introduction will often carry more favour than a declaration of your intention to ‘wreck’ my wife.
Do you have a Fantasy Bull?
SV: Chris Hemsworth or Henry Cavill! Seriously speaking, I wouldn’t say I have a fantasy bull. One of the biggest positives to have come out of living this lifestyle, are the new experiences my Stag and I have shared as a result of the men we have met. As I have previously stated in earlier posts, I am not the most creative when it comes to the ‘fantasy’ question. Instead I’ve always approached each encounter with an open mind and will very much ‘go with the flow.’
Does Secret Stag have a Fantasy Bull for Secret Vixen?
SS: This is an interesting question as it links back to my previous statement about finding Secret Vixen ‘experiences’ as much as finding her men to fuck. My fantasy bull for her would be a tall, powerfully built man that would be charming and funny during her date and then dominate her sexually back at her hotel room.
Famous faces I would love to see my wife tangle with would be Chris Hemsworth (a favourite of my wife too, I’m sure,) Idris Elba or Henry Cavill. Each of these men can come with or without superhero garb. I also once had a dream that I watched Secret Vixen fuck Orange Cassidy from AEW… if you know, you know.
Has Secret Vixen ever got infatuated with a Bull?
SV: It is at this question where Secret Stag and myself may disagree. I personally don’t think I have become infatuated with one of my Bulls but I certainly enjoy the attention from them, in and outside of the bedroom. As I have so often shared, for me, one of the greatest turn-ons is the sense of anticipation; the sense of the unknown. One way to heighten this sensation is for me to build a social connection with a potential Bull before a physical one.
SS: When considering this question, I first would need to define ‘infatuation.’ For me, infatuation is the state of being ‘smitten’ or having a powerful attraction toward someone, even if that feeling is only for a short time.
With this in mind, I have seen her react in this manner towards a number of men that she has gone on to fuck. The most apparent that comes to mind is her long term lover from the blog chapter ‘Bigger Bulls’. During their early stage of messaging, my wife would spend whole evenings messaging and sharing naughty pictures. She was so taken with him that her need to please him sexually on their first date, swallowing his cum in his car (something she had never done for me at that point) was something that definitely caught my attention. As time has gone on, her relationship with him has definitely settled into a ‘friends with benefits’ bull dynamic, and this is something that I think is fun and welcomed. Yet early on, I would definitely have said my wife was infatuated
Does every Bull have to be bigger or thicker than Secret Stag?
SV: Definitely not! For me, it’s not what you’ve got but how you use it.
SS: As I previously mentioned, I am honestly more interested in the man attached to the cock than the actual length and girth of said penis. Secret Vixen has been with men with some very large equipment but she has also had amazing encounters with men who wield more everyday tools. It’s all about the guys.
That said, I would be lying if I didn’t say that I enjoyed watching my wife play with and be pleasured by men with cocks larger than my own. Now, this is not saying that I have a particularly small penis, according to ‘The Google’ I actually possess an above average in length one. However, it comes back again to me wanting her to experience something new and something that she cannot with me and I’m certainly not a 9/10 inch kind of guy.
How much of a ‘Size Queen’ has she become? If at all?
SV: I stand by my earlier comment that it’s all about how you use your equipment and not its size. I’m very fortunate that I am able to orgasm from both penetrative and oral stimulation – something that I have often taken for granted having spoken to other women. This is why, I don’t profess to being a size queen. If pushed for an answer however, I would actually say that girth is my preference over length but I’m not fussy!
Does Secret Vixen have an age limit for her Bulls?
SV: I wouldn’t say I have an age limit but if I am being honest, my preference to a potential Bull would be based more on their maturity rather than the date on their birth certificate. That being said, I have found that with age, comes experience and dare I say, technique. Statistically, most but not all of my Bulls, have been older than I.
Is Secret Vixen straight?
SV: I would consider myself to be straight however, since embarking in this lifestyle, I have had the opportunity to play with both men and women. My encounters with women have mostly been in a ‘Swinging’ dynamic, something I had never imagined we would dabble in. Very early on in our adventure I actually spent an evening alone with the woman from 3. Two’s company, three’s even better! Up until this relationship, I had never been with a woman sexually and it was a wonderful experience. Although we used a variety of toys in this instance, I personally felt that there was one thing lacking from this entanglement, a real cock!
Before marriage, I had only been with a couple of men before meeting my Stag. Since marriage however, I have been with just as many women as I had men, back then. Does this statistic therefore label me as Bisexual? This was a question I found myself pondering before it was raised by a follower, so naturally, I went to the internet for answers. Friends and Podcasters, The Bedhoppers, whom we have met through the lifestyle, introduced us to the ‘Kinsey Scale’, one which describes a person’s ‘sexual orientation at a point in time.’ When I completed the online questionnaire, the result came back as 1 ‘Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual,’ which I actually thinks sums me up perfectly. As I have said so many times before in this Q&A, I am open to new experiences with interesting and sexy people.
What rules and boundaries have you set out and have they changed over time?
SV: Following Secret Stag’s revelation, we had a long and at the time, hypothetical conversation about our hard limits if we were to take the plunge into the ‘Hotwifing’ lifestyle. The first and fundamentally most important rule for us both, was that it should be a fun experience that enhanced our relationship rather than put a strain upon it. We had both agreed that the moment this shifted for either of us, we would pause, regroup and stop if necessary. It was also agreed that there would be no secrets (other than our alter-egos) between us and that there would always be a channel of communication open to both of us; one where we could share our highs and lows from the experiences we were hoping would take place.
At this initial stage, a hard limit for me was that any man I played with, would need to be someone that we already knew and trusted. The horror scenario of meeting an axe-murderer kept playing on loop in my mind so the thought of finding an ‘unknown’ was out of the question for me. This therefore introduced another hard limit; no married men. If we were going to play with a friend of ours, they needed to be single as I was willing to take on the persona of ‘Vixen’ and not of ‘Homewrecker.’
One hard limit that has changed for us, me in particular, was that at first, I did not want my husband to participate in any sexual act with another woman. This was something however, that was challenged in our very first encounter and has continued to evolve since. Whilst I’m not going to start encouraging him to seek relationships with other women, we have had experiences with couples in which I was happy for him to be with another woman – as long as I was distracted by the partner.
SS: For me, the only rule is that my wife never denies me something that she would grant a bull.
Will Secret Vixen ever experience a herd of Bulls at once?
SV: Depends on how many men we’re talking about!
SS: Ever since the ‘Five Guys’ comment made by my wife when visiting The City that Never Sleeps, I must admit that the idea of her being with several men at one time has now grown into a very real ‘bucket list’ item.
What do you find the sexiest thing about the lifestyle?
SV: I’ve been racking my brain for an eloquent way in which to say this but let’s be honest, the sexiest thing about the lifestyle for me, is that I get to flirt, date and fuck other men…
SS: …and I get to watch it!
Has Secret Vixen got a sexy Bavarian Beer Wench costume?
SV: Not at present but if any takers wish to purchase me one, I would gladly pose in it!
What sexy activity is Secret Vixen most excited about resuming when things become safer?
SV: This might sound like a cop out answer but I’m truly most excited about simply going on a date with a Bull. If it happens to end with a kiss and a cuddle then I won’t have any complaints!
A big thank you to The Secret Vixen for allowing VXN Lifestyle in publishing her Blog https://secretvixen.blog/