Wife with Strangers Fantasy Explained
What kind of individual would engage in sexual activity with a complete stranger?
This may appear to be a loaded question, and it is, but it is still worth considering. What kind of person do you envision?
Is she a prostitute? Is he a womaniser? Is he a liar? Are you a sex addict?
I’m sure one of these came to mind at some point, and if it didn’t, I’m sure it was something similarly negative.
We automatically apply stereotypes when we think about people who prefer sex with strangers. Stranger sex is regarded as somewhat of a taboo in practise. At best, it’s frowned upon, and at worst, it’s explicitly criticised as hazardous, reckless, and detrimental.
So, why is it one of the most popular kinks in the world?
Why is it so trendy to fantasise about having sex with a stranger?
Let’s take a look at the fantasy part before we get into the world of genuine stranger sex. True, many people fantasise about having sex with someone they’ve never met before – and the most of the time, their fantasies will remain just that. However, it does occasionally bleed over into reality, where people act on their imaginations, but we’ll get to that later.
Let’s take a look at why the mere prospect of receiving something unusual is so appealing. What is it about jumping into bed with someone you’ve never met before that appeals to you?
There are several theories to explain this occurrence.
Stranger sex is unrestricted.
When you read about stranger sex, one idea that keeps coming up is that it’s essentially a sexual encounter in which you’re less likely to be judged adversely by your sexual partner. Even if you were negatively judged, it would be of little significance since, let’s face it, you’ll never see the person again, so why should you care?
Sex with a stranger is similar to having sex in secret; you’re fully anonymous, and you’re free to act in ways you may not with someone you know well.
Anonymity encourages more daring sex.
The idea that stranger sex might be more adventurous because you’re not constrained by the traditional trappings of fear of judgement, ridicule, and remorse is closely tied with the idea of their being no judgement. Because there is anonymity (supposedly on both sides), you have more opportunities to explore and broaden your sexual interests.
Now, it should be noted that anonymity has a negative reputation, and not without reason. Take a look at the actions of anonymous internet trolls to discover how the anonymity of the internet can bring out the worst in people. But if that wasn’t enough, this theory is backed up by science. Female students were outfitted in lab coats by APS Fellow Philip Zimbardo of Stanford University in 1969, some plain with identity-concealing hoods and some with name tags and no hoods. He instructed the students to administer a confederate an electric shock.
The participants who wore hoods were twice as likely to cooperate!
But does this imply that once we become nameless, we all become monsters? It’s unlikely. In reality, “people in anonymous environments tend to act on their inherent propensity,” according to research. They claim that while everyone can feel anonymous in a crowd, evidence shows that aggressive people are more prone to escalate violence” (as outlined in a 2011 Perspectives on Psychological Science article)
As a result, the appeal of anonymity is more likely to stem from the ability to ‘act on your inherent nature.’ If you know you’re a sexual adventurer deep down, then being able to explore your darker side and become kinky is certainly a big part of the appeal.
It’s prohibited to have sex with a stranger – and a taboo is a turn-on!
Another factor contributing to the fantasy’s popularity is that having sex with a stranger is often considered to be somewhat forbidden. Women, in particular, are highly scrutinised when they engage in any kind of ‘promiscuous’ activity, thus offering it up to a complete stranger would almost certainly result in condemnation and derision.
This could explain why it’s such a popular female fantasy. The concept of doing something filthy, dirty, or forbidden is a huge turn-on, and it plays into many women’s secret, sassy sense of “I’m a bad, bad girl.”
With this in mind, it seems natural to yearn for the kind of release that only having sex with a complete stranger can provide. It’s a pleasurable and gratifying act that also involves doing something very taboo that one’s parents and peers would frown upon. After all, isn’t it true that being bad feels good?
Sex with a stranger appears to give you more power.
Another reason for the popularity of the stranger sex fantasy is because it appears to be somewhat empowering, especially for women. Throwing caution to the wind and not being bound by societal taboos or the fear of being judged appears to be liberating!
In an interview with AfterDarkLA, Dr. Hernando Chaves, a Beverly Hills psychiatrist and clinical sexologist, touches on this topic. The stranger sex fantasy, according to Chaves, has more layers than meets the eye, including a sensation of risk, empowerment, and letting go of control.
“The rush of dopamine and other neurotransmitters can be addictive, even obsessive, for most people.” It’s an approachable fantasy that can be realised and lived out. Taboo sexual impulses are sexually charged for many people, and they can heighten the erotic mind’s need for more pleasure and sexual fulfilment.”
The appeal’s scientific basis
Several studies have found that men are more likely than women to have sex with strangers. This, according to anecdotal evidence, is especially true when it comes to wanting to have sex with as many different partners as possible in a short period of time.
While sex with a stranger frequently appears on lists of the most “common sexual fantasies for women,” it is crucial to emphasise that it is not necessarily something that women freely admit to.
According to a 1989 study, 75% of randomly selected men would accept to have sex with a complete stranger, whereas 0% of women would. A 20-year-old survey found that 18% of males in partnerships were willing to have sex with a stranger, but just 4% of women agreed.
These studies also revealed that physically beautiful men were more successful than average-looking men in pursuing short-term sexual interests, which should have been a no-brainer.
Several theories have been proposed to explain why males are more open to kinky sex (in actuality, not fantasy) than women:
Due to concerns about safety, pregnancy, stigma, or disease, women are less likely than males to desire to have sex with strangers. When these concerns are overcome, their numbers increase marginally, but remain below the percentage of willing males.
Lesbians tended to have the same opinions as heterosexual women, and gay men tended to have the same sentiments as heterosexual males, regardless of sexual orientation. In general, it appears that men are more open to casual sex than women, regardless of sexual orientation.
Men have a higher innate predisposition than women to yield to sexual temptation. This was not the case, according to a 2013 study, which found that the difference arose because males had stronger desires, not because they had less self-control.
Isn’t that what you’re thinking?
But then a third study threw a wrench into the works! Brunel University London’s David Schmitt undertook a cross-cultural study in 58 countries to examine the differences in how men and women view and respond to stranger sex in different countries. It indicates that the attitude toward this ideal is more complicated than “men versus. women,” and that a variety of social and cultural elements are at play.
Who’d have guessed?
Men, on the other hand, have more positive attitudes toward casual sex than women, have more unfettered libido in social situations, and have less stringent preferences for short-term hook-ups. Women are more picky than males, particularly when it comes to physical appearance.
What about having sex with a group of strangers?
This distinction extends to mixed threesomes as well. Even if all parties are strangers, men are more open to them. Surprisingly, males prefer MMF threesomes to FFM threesomes, while women prefer MMF threesomes to FFM threesomes.
Furthermore, 24 percent of males are eager to have non-monogamous relationships, whereas only 8% of women are. An article on Psychology Today highlights some fascinating facts on the subject:
Hookups and several opposite-sex partners are more common in men’s fantasies than in women’s. Men are also less likely than women to regret short-term sex – and, paradoxically, men are less likely to regret long-term sex.
Only 11.3 percent of women would want to maintain a sexual relationship after a casual hookup, whereas 62.5 percent of males would. However, 60 percent of women, compared to only 12.5 percent of males, seek a romantic connection.
In short, sex with strangers is a fantasy for women (who may or may not admit it), but it can be a reality for males, as evidenced by the following statistics from the aforementioned Psychology Today article:
More men than women are willing to pay for casual sex. In the United States, an average of 20% of men have paid for sex with a prostitute, compared to 0% of women.
Men are more interested in sexual magazines and films than women.
Men are more prone than women to be sexually unfaithful in several relationships with diverse partners.
Men are more willing to consent to sex after only knowing someone for a short time.
Is it possible that ‘stranger sex’ is a hazardous fantasy?
While it’s obvious that this dream is popular, the reasons for its popularity may lead one to feel that the whole’stranger sex’ thing is unsafe. No matter what sexual kink you’re into, safety is vital, so it’s critical to emphasise that, if fantasy becomes a reality, there are inescapable safety considerations that must be handled.
There is no way to say that anonymous sex with complete strangers is always fully safe. While there is a lot of advise (especially for women) on how to keep safe during casual hookups, this form of interaction requires at least some familiarity between the two (or more) persons hooking up.
Casual discussion, or even simply a degree of contact to confirm the meeting’s location and time, would all constitute as some type of engagement, potentially weakening the’stranger’ component. This form of encounter does not always fall under the category of’stranger sex,’ at least not according to those who have this fantasy.
However, there are several safety issues that must be considered when engaging in this sexual dream. VXN Lifestyle for example (A Premium Dating Site for Stags and Vixen Couples) has a safety guide VXN Safety Policy
Stranger sex is frequently unplanned.
A stranger sex fantasy is more likely to start with a chance encounter between two people, so there is an element of spontaneity involved. This implies that there is a level of ‘risk’ to the whole affair, but it also implies that it is less likely to enter the realms of reality.
Using a dating such as VXN Lifestyle to arrange a hookup is simple and relatively secure. It’s a whole different thing to have consenting sex with someone you meet in an elevator!
However, you could easily confuse casual sex with ‘stranger sex,’ as the two appear to be extremely similar. Technology has opened the door for a new era of casual sex.
Because of the internet, sex is now just a text away, making casual flings more accessible than ever before.
Here are a few things to take in mind (especially if you are female) if you choose to indulge in casual sex (not stranger sex – but more on that later):
It is possible that starting it will lead to less regret. According to studies, women who initiate causal sex are less likely to have regrets about the encounter.
Casual sex might increase your self-esteem depending on your sociosexual orientation. Love, commitment, and emotional intimacy are more important to those with restricted sociosexual orientations than sex. People with flexible sociosexual orientations are more at ease with casual sex, and it might even increase their self-esteem. So, before you decide to engage in that casual hookup, be aware of your limits, boundaries, and sociosexual orientation.
Orgasms are less likely to occur in casual sexual encounters for women than in relationships, so don’t expect too much!
Another thing to remember is that your motivations for having casual sex will have an affect on how much you like it (especially if you are female). When it comes to casual sex, researchers have discovered two forms of behaviour: autonomous and non-autonomous.
Physical attraction and the desire for sexual experimentation are examples of autonomous conduct. Drunkenness and revenge sex are examples of non-autonomous conduct. People with non-autonomous intents, predictably, have a lower level of psychological well-being following a hookup.
So, before you go ahead and do it, make sure it’s actually what you want. Casual sex should remain just that.
In practise, true stranger sex is tough.
We’ve established that casual sex and stranger sex are two distinct concepts.
So, based on the preceding considerations, you could argue that the fantasy element is what makes stranger sex safer than it appears. Because actual stranger sex (as opposed to casual encounters) is somewhat impractical, it is less likely to occur in its purest form. Most of us can probably only plan to meet for drinks and go from there – which is also OK!
This just goes to show how this desire rarely becomes a reality for women. A fast online search for’most common sexual fantasies for women’ will turn up scenarios in which women can fuck complete strangers, frequently with aspects of other sexual fantasies thrown in for good measure (like kidnapping, domination or voyeurism).
“I’ve dreamed about having sex with a hot stranger in front of my male friends (I’d pretend I wasn’t aware they were watching me),” one Reddit user stated, while Cosmo quoted a woman as saying, “My wildest fantasy would be anything harsh, tied up, maybe a break-in role-play.”
While these kinds of fantasies do exist, it’s important to remember that they’re OK when they’re just that: fantasies. When they’re actual, however, it’s a different story.
Additional safety concerns
So, in response to the issue of whether stranger sex is risky, the answer is that it depends on which aspects of the fantasy you’re enacting and with whom. Any sexual encounter with consenting adults carries its own set of risks, which is why many of us prefer to keep our fantasies that way.
If the imagination does venture into the realm of reality, there are a few things to keep in mind:
Physical security is paramount.
There’s a darker aspect to casual sex. Anything can happen because you don’t know this individual very well. Returning to someone’s home, whether it’s a guy or a woman, brings with it a slew of risks since you’re putting yourself at their mercy. It’s the ideal environment for sexual harassment and assault to flourish.
There are also the obvious health concerns associated with having intercourse with someone you don’t know. This is why, in such situations, it is critical to constantly utilise protection. Condoms are a fantastic invention, so use them!
Possibility of addiction
While many people scoff and/or roll their eyes at the thought of sex addiction, it is a serious problem. Casual sex and even actual stranger sex has never been easier thanks to social media, so if you’re prone to addictions, this could be a matter for concern. It’s true that you can have too much of a good thing, and having access to sex “on demand” can lead to dangerous behaviours.
The Sun newspaper made a strong case for this in an article showcasing a sex addict who admitted to sleeping with between 100 and 200 people:
“At my worst, I was addicted to the sensation of sleeping with strangers. And social media makes it frighteningly simple to do so. Instead of travelling to a club or spending money drinks applications, like VXN may help me hook up in minutes with a Stag Vixen Hotwife Couple from the comfort of my own house.”
How about some genuine stranger sex?
Without delving into the world of the actual, we can’t talk about stranger sex. What about reality now that we’ve looked at the fantasy?
This isn’t as simple to investigate as it appears. Sure, ‘confessionals’ in men’s and women’s magazines frequently feature bored housewives spinning tales like the time the plumber ‘bent them over the kitchen sink,’ but we can presume that these are all lies.
As a result, anonymous sex stories appear to be frequently exaggerated and sensationalised – and rarely real. That isn’t to imply that real practises involving sex with strangers don’t exist. All you have to do is know where to look and how to use slang:
Outside of the British Isles, the term ‘dogging’ may not be generally known. It’s a slang phrase for a type of public exhibitionism popular in the United Kingdom (but completely unheard of in the United States). Dogging is one of the closest scenarios to actual stranger sex because, rather than scheduling a meeting with a specific person (or individuals), it can be spontaneous, involving merely showing up to a recognised ‘dogging place’ for a chance sexual encounter.
So, to summarise, dogging is gathering at a planned spot to meet up with other individuals for sex – which might be anonymous or involve group sex.
‘Glory holes,’ as they’re known.
‘Glory holes,’ like Dogging, refer to a physical area where people might meet for unlawful sexual encounters. By definition, a glory hole is:
“a gap in a wall or other divider, usually between public lavatory cubicles or adult video arcade booths and lounges, where people can engage in sexual behaviour or see the person in the cubicle next to them as one or both parties masturbate.”
This, like dogging, allows for anonymous intercourse with an unknown person. Glory holes, on the other hand, are specifically connected with homosexual male culture, unlike dogging, which is not associated with any sexual orientation.
The barrier is the reason that glory holes are a component of the complete stranger sex dream. There is almost complete anonymity because no other characteristics are taken into account – there is only a hole, a penis, a mouth, and sometimes a hand. When it comes to the motivations behind this, there are various schools of thought, but anonymity and the resulting “shamelessness” are regarded to be a driving force.
Mark Simpson, a Huffington Post contributor and journalist, wrote about his first glory hole in Northern England in the 1960s and echoes this feeling.
“An erect, disembodied cock protruding through a wall is the ultimate symbol of anonymous ‘no-strings’ sex: the glory hole.” Even bricks and masonry are powerless to stop it. Desire with no name and no shame. As a horny teenager in the early 1980s, when sex with another male was still prohibited for me — I wasn’t over 21 and couldn’t have sex ‘in private,’ I was fascinated by what happened in public restrooms.”
So, if there’s ever a chance of getting any actual ‘abnormal,’ glory holes and dogging could be the key!
Is it ever a smart idea to have sex with strangers?
We’ve gone over some of the serious safety issues with stranger sex and casual sex, but the question of whether it’s really a good idea remains unanswered. As we’ve seen, men and women have distinct perspectives on stranger sex; women prefer fantasy, while men prefer actuality.
This helps to explain why erotica (which is predominantly read by women), narrative, and confessionals are so popular. It’s forbidden and taboo, which makes it all the more appealing.
But, in the end, it is up to the person to decide whether or not going kinky is genuinely a good idea. As long as it’s between consenting adults, no fantasy is off-limits. Who’s to say that having sex with strangers is any more radical than sniffing dirty underwear or engaging in some good ol’ electrostimulation?
Individuals, as course, have the last say. It doesn’t matter who they are!
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