Why More Women are wanting Open Relationships
Susan suggested to her husband a few years ago that she wanted to have sex with someone else before a work trip.
While she didn’t have a specific individual in mind, it had been a long-held desire of hers.
Rather ignoring it, her spouse encouraged her to go for it.
Although that didn’t happen, the pair did start a non-monogamous relationship early this year.
Susan had received a call from an old acquaintance wishing her a happy birthday, and the two ended up hooking up – and sleeping together.
“It was a pretty intense experience.” “It had been ten years since I had sex with anyone other than my boyfriend,” she admits.
Susan and her husband have dated and slept with numerous people since then, with some relationships being stronger than others.
“Traditionally, the only way people have thought of having affections for another, or sleeping with someone other than their primary relationship, has been betrayal,” she explains.
“Or it might be an indication that things has gone horribly wrong.”
But Susan, like a rising number of others, isn’t convinced.
According to studies, an increasing number of people are actively seeking alternatives to monogamy.
Martin Wednesday , author and social researcher, says that women are driving this relationship transformation.
“As women get more confident and empowered, you’ll see more women declaring, ‘I’m done with monogamy.'”
Monogamy is the default, however it does not work for many people.
Women are leading the way in terms of changing partnerships.
According to Martin, “the tale we’ve heard over and again, whether it’s in the media or scientific research,” monogamy comes more naturally to women.
“And then we’re told that it’s fairly ‘normal’ for guys to be promiscuous, to want to distribute their seed, and to basically have sex with anything that isn’t nailed down,” says the author.
However, research over the last decade has revealed a fresh tale about male and female sexuality.
“At least six longitudinal studies involving tens of thousands of participants ranging in age from 18 to 70 have consistently demonstrated that in a long-term committed exclusive relationship, women quit desiring to have sex in years one to four.”
“However, males in these long-term exclusive relationships are very content to have sex with their long-term partners for nine or twelve years without complaining about boredom.”
And it’s not because women desire less sex, according to Martin. They require diversity, novelty, and adventure to avoid boredom.
“What we discover is that long-term monogamy predicts low desire in women exclusively, not because they don’t like sex, but because it’s tougher for them to be interested in sex with the same person over and over again.”
Martin observed that women were the ones who were predominantly asking for polyamorous and open relationships while researching her book Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free.
“I want us to incorporate a third into our relationship,” they said to therapists with their male partners.
Desiree Spierings is a Sydney-based relationship and sex therapist. She claims that in her experience working with clients, it is more commonly the woman who initiates an open or poly relationship.
In non-monogamous partnerships, she observes more same-sex couples than heterosexual ones.
In Australia, there are little statistics on polyamory, although a 2014 study published in CSIRO Publishing indicated that 1% of 5,323 respondents were in a “open relationship.”
Keeping a relationship open
Do you want to make your relationship more open? To deal with any challenges that may arise, you’ll require emotional intelligence.
What’s the difference between polygamy, open relationships, and monogamy?
Each individual may define their connection in their own unique manner. When it comes to labeling, there are no right or wrong answers.
Susan and her husband are “open, or poly, depending on who you ask,” according to Susan.
According to Spierings, the amount of connection is the main distinction between open and polyamorous partnerships.
“The obvious distinction is that in open partnerships, the open truly denotes the sexual component.
“They enable their spouse… to have sex with others, whether together or separately, in open partnerships.”
“Polyamory, on the other hand, allows for a stronger emotional connection with the other person.” This can sometimes entail sex.”
Ms. Spierings says she sees more polyamorous couples now than she did ten years ago, but she’s not sure if that’s because people are more upfront about it.
What does this imply for the relationship?
Susan wondered whether her desire to be with others other than her husband was a reflection of her love for him when she first felt it.
“I was afraid that meant I’d have to seek a divorce.”
“I’ve been in and out of treatment for a long time, and I recall… [the therapist stating] ‘All of these sensations you’re experiencing have nothing to do with your marriage.’ ‘It’s all up to you.’
That was a lighting moment for Susan, who believes that non-monogamy has strengthened her marriage with her spouse.
There are a few things to consider, according to Ms Spierings, for any couple considering transforming their monogamous relationship to a non-monogamous one.
First and foremost, why do you want to see other people?
“Does this mean there are problems in the primary relationship?” Because that isn’t the proper justification.
“Is it because you’re thinking about quitting your major relationship?” This is a convenient way out.”
To figure this out, you might need to work as a pair with a professional therapist.
You and your spouse must set boundaries if you decide it’s for the “correct” cause.
Who are you permitted to see, for example? Who is permitted to learn about it? Will you divulge information to one another? How much time do you have to devote to them? What kinds of sexual activities are permitted?
“People don’t think about the details,” Ms Spierings adds, “but it’s critical that they be shared.”
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