What is Hotwifing and the Hot Husband
You may have come across the terms “hot wife” or “hotwifing” when browsing a dating or hookup app that supports moral non-monogamy, like VXN Lifestyle, and wondered what they meant.
In the non-monogamous community, the term “hot wife” is often used to describe a certain kind of sexual conduct. Milo Cantalay a licenced sex therapist, explains that “hot wife” is a word used in swinger communities to refer to a wife, or often a partner of someone, who is allowed to have intimate connections with others. (For the record, although hotwifing is sometimes linked to swingers, anyone in an open relationship or married with a taste for kinky pleasure is welcome to experiment with the practise.)
As per Milo, a hot wife is a woman who is married to a guy, and the other partners with whom she is ‘allowed’ to hook up are usually men. Although the word implies fixed gender roles, the behaviour itself can be tailored to meet the demands of any pair.
What does hotwifing look like in real life, then?
Luxury Lifestyle Vacations cofounder Claudia Aguirre argues that in a conventional hotwifing scenario, the female partner is “actually encouraged by her husband” to go out and sleep with other people. Luxury Lifestyle Vacations curates fantasy-like holiday experiences for the sex-positive traveller. Said husband finds sexual enjoyment in the notion of her having sex with other partners. In this interaction, the male partner is referred to as a “stag or cuckold”
According to Milo, this dynamic can be highly stimulating for both parties. Because other handsome men view their wife as appealing, all of whom have varying levels of arousal and can definitely add spice to a marriage, it can be “humiliating, emasculating—or it can be—for the male partner,” she says. It can be fantastic to have “a lot of power to go and hook up, have relations, and dalliances with other people as she desires” for the female partner who enjoys being the hotwife.
The taboo nature of it all is what makes hotwifing so hot. Women shouldn’t feel justified in “cheating” on their spouses, and men shouldn’t be amused by their wives sleeping with other people.
Who is the dominant party in the hotwife dynamic
Milo describes hotwifing as “a fantasy or kink of sharing your wife with other men.” It begs the question, “Who is this kink really for?” As a woman who is “shared,” do you have complete control?
According to Milo this dynamic can have unsettling ramifications, especially if the husband controls who his wife is permitted to play with. She says, “Some men [who are] into the stag/cuckold/hotwife lifestyle give the impression that they are much more into choreographing their own pleasure and much less into their wives’ sexual freedom.” “And sometimes a wife doesn’t like to be a character in her husband’s writings.” Aw.
All of this may sound a little ominous, but when everyone is into it, hotwifing isn’t always a bad thing. Milo clarifies that both parties can participate in this lifestyle to the fullest extent possible if the hot wife appreciates being a hot wife. As a result, when “both parties enjoy this kind of relationship,” power might be “mutual.”
The hot husbands, where are they all?
While it’s great that hotwifing can arouse both partners sexually, I’m curious as to where all the hothusbanding has gone. Sincerely, where are all of the attractive husbands?
We’re still stuck on such destructive male/female power systems in sex, which makes me question why hotwifing—but not hothusbanding—is so frequent in some ENM partnerships. More wives should own up to this and send their boyfriends or husbands go to obtain some ass from different women for their own kinky delight. If we don’t have attractive spouses, we’re kind of supporting the patriarchy, in my opinion.
Not that I’m advocating for an end to hotwifing. Just let’s legalise “hothusbanding” as well! *Begins compiling a list of interested parties so that we can move things along as soon as possible.*
Do we really f*cking love it, or should we use a different term?
And last, is it okay to continue calling someone a “hotwife,” “cuckold,” or “vixen stag”? According to Milo, the phrase “open marriage” is perhaps more appropriate because it denotes equality and control for all involved. That said, as long as everyone involved in the agreement is on board, people are free to use whatever seductive terminology they wish. Man, sex positivity!
In other words, this term truly is what you make of it. Feel free to use it if you adore it. It’s your relationship and your life. It’s problematic if it makes you feel particularly repulsed or if you’re using it to take advantage of your spouse.
Everybody has various tastes in sexual dynamics, and as long as all parties are consenting adults, they can indulge in their desires.