Stag Vixen Privileges when Wife Sharing
You may have observed that a lot of the vocabulary around three-person sexual activities is focused on the couple, from sex party lingo to dating applications designed for threesomes. Additionally, this isn’t limited to threesomes. The belief that persons in relationships are more worthy or deserving of attention than their single counterparts is enforced by society, which prioritises couple priorities above single priorities. This is found in most sexual advice and content, “date night”-specific activities, and relationship guidance.
Prioritizing the pair might even affect sex parties without them being aware of it. Parties frequently have language tailored to couples, and discounts for couples are frequently included in pricing. For single people, the discount can be a barrier because their costs would be proportionately higher. Additionally, even though it is not the organization’s objective, it visually suggests that couples are more welcome or respected than singles. Couples are frequently given more concern than single persons when it comes to safety. When all is said and done, it can make a third feel like a damned accessory!
Couple privilege must be addressed from all angles, including the couple and anybody who joins them. Additionally, event planners and sex counsellors should take the issue more seriously. Typically, the couple is the more privileged party in threesome situations. There are numerous power relationships at work, and two of them actually outnumber the third. Accordingly, the two-person unit bears the lion’s share of the blame for minimising couple privilege.
Couple Privilege: What Is It?
Couple privilege in threesomes refers to the underlying power disparity. This is not only because there are two people instead of one, but also because the demands and boundaries of the couple are frequently prioritised over those of the lone individual. The vocabulary used to discuss playing threesomes is frequently from a coupled perspective. There is a pervasive impression that this is an enjoyable extra you may include in your paired sex life, almost as if a third is similar to some thrilling sex item. When it comes to communication advice, a lot of it focuses on the couple as well; it isn’t implied that this communication must necessarily extend to a third party. Speak to each other about what you want and about your boundaries.
The needs, goals, and desires of a couple do not supersede those of a third party. The demands of the third party are not any less significant, and they are not required to “go along” with what the couple desires (unless they so choose, of course!).
To level the playing field in any power dynamic, more is required than just the advice that “you can say no whenever you want.”
Without discussing the third party, a couple cannot decide on behalf of all parties and have it remain consensual. Keep in mind that they are people, too, and that you need to establish their consent and boundaries in order to make sure they, too, have a good day.
How should a couple account for couple privilege?
You both have every right to establish your own restrictions, conversations, and agreements apart from those with the third party. However, it is your duty to notify your third about information or choices. Have a discussion with them about this. We cannot just state that this is what we desire. It must read, “We’ve been discussing, and we’d love to investigate X. What do you think about participating in that? While being direct and truthful is crucial, it is better to ask open-ended questions of the third party—or any party, for that matter—as this removes the burden of a yes-or-no response and allows the other party to express their own individuality.
Consider how your agreements and boundaries effect the third party and their demands. Although you don’t necessarily have to change anything, you must take them into account. Due to the underlying hierarchy, it never hurts to be too careful about the third person’s experience.
How to relax and be yourself while enjoying couple privilege
Being outside of a relationship can frequently make you feel like a visitor in their metaphorical house, making you desire to behave yourself. It is not your obligation as the third party to ensure the success of another couple’s relationship. While you can be sensitive to everyone’s requirements, restrictions, and desires, consider setting boundaries or raising a red flag whenever someone asks you to minimise yourself in order to preserve their relationship. Again, you are not in charge of it.
Find a couple who shares your perspective. There are solutions for all of your demands! To find out what topics you might all agree on, start by sharing any doubts or fears you may have as well as what you intend to learn from the experience. Although it is vital and totally appropriate to communicate your boundaries or your worries, it is understandable to sometimes feel hesitant to do so. A couple may not be the type of individuals you want to be playing with if they are unable to create room for you in the experience. Keep in mind that your enjoyment is just as important here as theirs is.
How can we as a couple accommodate the third and acknowledge couple privilege?
To level the playing field in any power dynamic, more is required than just the advice that “you can say no whenever you want.” The ability of other parties to assert their own rights can ultimately be impacted by an unaccounted-for power dynamic in the current situation. With this power dynamic, the only way to foster consent is to give everyone the freedom to speak up for themselves without fear of repercussion. They must be given the freedom to say no without fear of reprisal or condemnation. They will be inspired to express themselves more freely as a result of this.
1. Watch out that the third person doesn’t feel accountable for your relationship’s continued success. This involves testing your perception of the third party as an add-on, a danger, or a means of preserving something in your partnership. The words you’re probably looking for are “mixing up our routine” if you use the phrase “spice things up” in relation to renovating your relationship. It’s a world apart from altering a routine to include a third person in your existing sex lives. Don’t think that adding a third person will solve your relationship problems, as many unicorns and thirds have bemoaned. If your relationship needs improvement, work on it separately from the three of you. It’s not therapy; it’s a trio.
2. Neutralize rather than avoid! It is the responsibility of the paired unit to address any envy or other undesirable emotions that may arise between the two of you outside of the trio. The third person shouldn’t have to bear the weight of this obligation. Instead than being a feeling in and of itself, envy frequently indicates a vulnerable area that needs to be addressed. See what you can do to neutralise that sensation so you may carry on enjoying yourself rather than trying to avoid it, which will unavoidably make it reemerge at some point. For example, you may add rituals, verbal affirmations, or new responsibilities to stifle the insecurity that surfaced.
3. Know what roles people are interested in playing. Allow the third to express what kinds of roles or emotions they prefer against those they don’t, rather than expecting they will always stand out for themselves. A third party frequently feels too afraid to speak up for themselves and instead opts to put the needs of the couple above their own.
4. Give the third’s security and comfort first priority. This entails considering their post-care requirements together with your own and involving them in any boundary and safety discussions. Before you go to bed, ask about their preferred barrier strategy and any verbal or nonverbal indicators that might indicate comfort.
5. It’s acceptable to stop if your needs conflict with the third. Even when two people are attracted to one another, not every two people will end up having sex. The same is true for groups of three. It might not be the greatest threesome for you all if you and your partner have a “no kissing others” rule but the third person truly enjoys kissing or uses it as their main method of building intimacy.
Do hot threesomes result from resolving couple privilege in every case?
None of this ensures a great threesome, not even when you account for all the couple privilege in the world. That depends on your personal chemistry, requirements, and experiences. Even if not all threesomes are made to last, they are nonetheless valuable. Before you find what works best for you, there may be some trial and error, just like in relationships and two-person sex!
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